Picture this….
You see a group of youths hanging around the mall parking lot, smoking and leaning against cars. Is it a gang, or a just group of kids who might cause some trouble if provoked?
There is a distinct difference between a gang and a friendship group, and ways you can tell them apart.
Gangs are:
A gang is a group of three or more people who share an identifiable feature and are involved in criminal or anti-social behavior.
If you have a group of five kids who are harassing others, stealing cars, or committing crimes, but they do not have an identifiable feature, they are not technically an organized gang.
A gang uses some physical marker (usually an item of clothing, or a symbol on their clothing) to let others know they are part of a gang and to identify other members easily.
Friendship groups are:
A friendship group has a lot of movement in and out of the group. Kids will easily come and go from time to time.
There may be three or four close friends who form the core of the group, but a new friend or girlfriend may be brought into the group, then later leave.
A friendship group can commit crime and behave anti-socially, but there is an ebb and flow of people coming and going. Their motivation is friendship and peer acceptance.
Friendship groups are obvious in schools because of their physical positioning. A friendship group will stand in a circle facing each other. They are focused on the group, on each other, and not interested in outside influences.
A gang does not work that way.
They are a solid group with rituals, initiations, and rules. It can be difficult to get into a gang, and difficult to leave.
Gangs are motivated by common goals, which may be drugs, money, or simply power. The physical positioning of a gang is much different than a friendship group.
Gang members will stand with their backs together, looking out. They are looking for potential targets or threats, and protecting their group.
An established youth gang is not always searching for recruits; in fact, it is usually the other way around. The gang provides the social environment and sense of belong the new recruit is looking for.
To protect your child, you need to look at him or her from within: are they searching for belonging?
Do they feel they are missing something in their lives? Invest time in your kids to identify these needs and try to fill them before outside influences, the kind that are negative and potentially deadly, step in to take up the slack.
Tags: gangs, youth crime
Hatred is a learned emotion.
Children are much different from adults in the way they absorb, value, and retain information. Adults have learned not to believe everything we hear. We will often devote more attention to valid information and discard misleading information quickly. Children, on the other hand, absorb good and bad information equally. They will pay as much attention to negative, harmful, misleading information as they will to positive, empowering, and helpful information.
This can lead to intolerance, racism and even hate crimes if it escalates far enough.
Children have not developed a keen and effective “bad information filter” yet, and they often pick up harmful opinions from within their families—even when the family is unaware that they are expressing a harmful opinion. The most important source of information to a child – especially a young child – is their parents or guardians. These individuals will shape a child’s impressions of what is right and wrong, good and evil, socially acceptable and criminal. Even seemingly unimportant matters can make a tremendous difference in a child’s outlook towards others.
Kids soak up their environments and experiences from the time they are born. True haters begin to develop early. As they grow, they begin to form opinions and beliefs based on what they have been told, feel to be true, and experience. Parents who consistently deliver positive, non-biased messages, encourage diversity, and embrace change, rarely raise haters. Parents may not even realize they are promoting hatred: it could be racist jokes or an offhand comment here and there that encourages racism, makes kids more susceptible to becoming haters or getting involved in a hate crime.
It is easy for kids to focus on one aspect about a person that their parent may dislike, and quickly apply this dislike to all people who share the same attribute. This could and usually does include racism. True haters can come from all places, races, and socio-economic backgrounds, but are almost always put on an early path to hatred by the significant people in their lives. But parents are not the only ones with influence over a child’s belief systems. Even a minor intolerance that reflects a bias from a favorite uncle, cousin, grandparent, or idol can have equal effect and increase the chance your child becomes involved in a hate crime.
It is okay for your kids to have a strong dislike for something, or even someone. That alone doesn’t make them a “hater.” If they take action based on the dislike or hatred, they cross the line and become a hater. These are where the seeds of hate crimes start. This could take the form of bullying another child, refusing to help someone in need because of their differences, or even committing a more serious and violent hate crime. Hatred is taken to its most destructive extreme when it is generalized into hatred for an entire population, and this is something you have to watch for in your children.
Imagine your child in the following scenarios to see if he or she is on the road to becoming a hater.
Scenario One
Your child, Jim, gets in an argument with another boy, Quan, at school. Quan is Asian and your son is white. Jim is very mad at Quan and tells you later than night that he hates Quan. Although anger can
be an alarming and dangerous emotion, Jim’s feelings have basis. He and Quan argued and Jim became angry. You will be able to talk with Jim and help him find the real reason for his anger, and eventually Jim and Quan will again be friends. This is realistic hatred.
Scenario Two
Take the same situation: Jim and Quan get in an argument at school. Jim comes home and tells you that he hates Quan, calls him a derogatory name, and says he hates all Asian people. In the days following, Jim continues to express his dislike for all Asian people, making frequent discriminatory and racist comments about them. This is unrealistic hate — and the beginnings of a true hater.
If the first scenario fits your family dynamic, you are in fine shape. Your child has a reasonable and warranted dislike for an individual, based on his actions. He only dislikes the individual. As children mature, they learn ways to understand and control their anger, and many times kids who feel hatred for each other in grade school become friends in later years. Realistic haters get over it. They do not transfer their anger to all people.
If the second scenario rings bells, you need to take a closer look at your child and the direction he or she is headed. Unrealistic hatred for an identified group of people is one of the most dangerous emotions and beliefs that one can harbor. Adolph Hitler, perhaps the most notorious hater of all, was driven by hate and he nearly succeeded in exterminating a race of people.
History can and often does repeat itself. I saw it every day as a police officer investigating hate crimes and watching children follow closely in the criminal and violent footsteps of their parents. But it doesn’t have to. You have the power to make the next generation — your kids — safe, wise, caring, tolerant, and free from hate. In order to achieve this, you need to do two things: be responsible for how your own words and actions will affect your children’s attitudes; and watch closely to see if any external influences may cause the seeds of intolerance and racism to germinate and grow in your child.
Early intervention can help to prevent the evil of hatred and hate crimes from infiltrating your family.
Visit www.kidproofsafety.com to learn more about important issues in child and family safety
Tags: hate crime, kids, parenting, racism
A predator is anyone who preys on others in a calculated, routine fashion. They may include the abuser, pedophile, bully, stalker, or thief. But before the predator—or any criminal—can commit a crime, a number of elements must be in place.
The first is "Intent." The offender must have the desire or intention to want to commit the crime. Their motives may vary, but the need is always there.
Second, "Ability." The offender must believe that they have the skills and equipment they need to carry out their crime. In the case of physical assault of any kind, they not only need to believe that they have the skills to commit the crime, but that theirs outweigh the defensive skill that of the chosen victim.
Third "Opportunity." The criminal needs an opportunity to commit the crime and to get away with it. Few criminals commit crimes with the intention of getting caught.
You, as a parent, can’t change a potential offender’ intention to on committing a crime, nor can you change the offender’s perception of their abilities. However, you have complete control over the opportunity that could to make your children their next victim.
By "opportunity" I mean access. An offender needs to have access to your child before he can commit his intended crime. Access can be many ways. He may gain access through his position as a coach, baby-sitter, relative, neighbor, friend, or acquaintance. What he is not likely to be, is a complete stranger. As a parent, you have control over your child’s safety and can prevent a crime from happening if you are watchful and diligent in controlling the access that others have to your kids.
These are the basic ways in which you can make sure that any access to your children is safe access:
Evaluate who is in your home or neighborhood.
Evaluate those in your home or neighborhood. You must assess each and every person that you allow into your home and in contact with your children. I am not suggesting a complete criminal screening for the gardener, however, I do suggest that you watch how he interacts with your children. If he shows too much attention to them, if your child is uncomfortable around him, if you have even the slightest reservation about him, get rid of him immediately.
Question everyone’s motives.
There is a motive for every action or thought we have. Not all motives are deviant, but they are present in all actions. A used car salesman’s motive is to sell you a car. To achieve that purpose, he will adapt his behavior to be nice, approachable, knowledgeable and genial, in hopes that you will buy a car from him.
A teacher’s motive is to educate your children. Her behavior will reflect her motives. She may be firm when she is trying to get a point across, sympathetic to a child who is upset, encouraging and empowering to get kids to learn.
A predator’s motive is to gain access and control of your child so that he can carry out his intended crime. His behavior will reflect his motives—in part. He will be nice, helpful, understanding, willing, generous, accommodating, and anything else he needs to be to convince you that he can be trusted.
If you can’t come up with a valid reason why someone is acting in a friendly, generous way to your children, be very suspicious. There is no reason why the house painter needs to be giving toys and candy to your children. Once again, there is a motive for every action. If the person’s actions do it does not make sense, do not allow them access to your children.
Report your suspicions to the police.
How many times have you seen or heard news reports in which neighbors of an apprehended criminal say they thought the person was suspicious? If they thought so, why didn’t they tell police before another victim was made?
Contrary to what you may think, your observations are valuable to the police, and they are not bothered if you call them. In fact, in this world today where money is tight and police are stretched to the limited, they need your help. They cannot know what is going on in your community unless you tell them. You will not bother them. You don’t even have to give your name.
But please make sure that you report all suspicious behavior to the police. If police investigate and the suspicion it is unfounded, then it ends. However, in many cases—and I can speak from experience—the smallest tip can lead to a major arrest and removal of a predator from your community.
It is your right, and your duty to tell the police if you feel someone may be dangerous to your family. You owe it, at the very least, to your kids.
Tags: child abduction, predator, safety
In 1973, Richard Ausley kidnapped 13-year-old Martin Andrews, raped and beat him for days and left him to die in a wooden box. Fortunately, Andrews was found by a passing group of hunters, but in 2002 he found out that his attacker was going to be released after 29 years in jail. Andrews fought Ausley’s release and lobbied lawmakers, and Ausley stayed in custody. Why? The civil commitment law.
The civil commitment law allows inmates who are considered sexually dangerous to be institutionalized at high-security treatment facilities even after they’ve completed their federal prison terms. Next week the Supreme Court will decide if the national civil commitment law will be upheld. Based on what several U.S. Supreme Court justices suggested during arguments recently heard in Washington, it’s likely that it will be.
Under the civil commitment law, more than 100 people have been held, and twenty states have such laws in place. The civil commitment law has strong public support, but is opposed by many psychiatrists, defense lawyers and civil libertarians. Critics claim that the understaffed and overcrowded rehabilitation facilities used for offenders are only detention centres for people the state doesn’t want on the streets.
The civil commitment law isn’t perfect. But there is only one way to keep a child sex offender from abusing kids: remove them from having contact with children – period. If we must lock sex offenders up in prison or let them sit in a hospital for the rest of their lives to ensure that kids will be safe – then we must do it.
Read the CNN article.
Eric Tillman, the general manager of the Saskatchewan Roughriders, was given an absolute discharge Tuesday morning after he pleaded guilty to sexually assaulting his children’s teen babysitter. An absolute discharge means that he will have no criminal record, and will not be on probation.
Tillman first pleaded not-guilty of sexual assault after the charges were brought up in February 2009, but changed his plea to guilty before the trial began. During the last year, while Tillman maintained his innocence and was paid a salary by the Roughriders to work from home, the young girl faced scrutiny over her allegations.
The court heard how Tillman came up behind his then 16-year-old babysitter as she bent over to feed one of his kids, put his arms around her, and pulled her towards him. His defense is that he was heavily medicated at the time, blaming a mix of sleep aids and pain medication. The Judge in the case said that he believed he was sorry for his behaviour, and accepted that Tillman was under the influence of a mixture of drugs he was taking for a sore back.
Tillman announced has stepped down from the team; his resignation was accepted today.
Tags: eric tillman, sexual assault
